How practicing active listening helps you make meaningful relationships

Dr Ishina Choudhary Featured at Hindustan Times Sep 04, 2023

From increased learning to reduced conflicts, here's how practicing active listening can be a powerful tool in forging deeper, more fulfilling relationships.

Active listening is more than just a skill; it's a bridge that connects individuals on a profound level, fostering meaningful relationships that enrich lives. The core principle of active listening is to be fully present and engaged in a conversation. Cultivating active listening skills can have a transformative impact on both personal and professional relationships. The first step to achieving this is listening conscientiously, which eventually develops into your natural personality trait. As someone speaks, strive to understand as closely. Once you begin to master listening so that you can remember their words, give yourself a pat– you are on your way to becoming an active listener! Active listening also involves reading between the lines and capturing each word's tonality.

"How many times have you had a talk with someone, thinking you were actively listening to them, only to realize later that you can’t remember what they said? Maybe, you got distracted while they were talking and completely missed the message altogether. Listening is the most essential communication skill in any relationship. You might think that silence is something passive that’s not useful in communication and relationships, and yet it’s the very foundation for a place of calm and clarity from where we can hear what others have to say," says Dr. Ishina Choudhary, Counselling Psychologist and Founder of Insight Alchemy.

She further shared five good practices of active listening that can help you ensure that you hear the other person and that the other person knows you are listening to what they say-

1. Pay attention to the speaker with your undivided attention, and acknowledge the message: Recognize that nonverbal communication also "speaks" loudly. Look at the speaker directly. Put aside distracting thoughts. Don't mentally prepare a rebuttal! Avoid being distracted by environmental factors. "Listen" to the speaker's body language. Refrain from side conversations when listening in a group setting.

2. Show that you are listening: Use your own body language and gestures to convey your attention. Nod occasionally. Smile and use other facial expressions. Note your posture and make sure it is open and inviting. Encourage the speaker to continue with small verbal comments like “Yes” and “Aha”.

3. Provide feedback: Our personal filters, assumptions, judgments, and beliefs can distort what we hear. As a listener, your role is to understand what is being said. This may require you to reflect on what is being said and ask questions. Reflect on what has been said by paraphrasing.

4. Defer judgment: Interrupting is a waste of time. It frustrates the speaker and limits the full understanding of the message. Allow the speaker to finish. Don't interrupt with counterarguments.

5. Respond Appropriately: Active listening is a model for respect and understanding. You are gaining information and perspective. You add nothing by attacking the speaker or otherwise putting him or her down.

Be candid, open, and honest in your response. Assert your opinions respectfully. Treat the other person as they would want to be treated.